Beginnings and Endings

“Often when you think you’re at the end of something, you’re at the beginning of something else.  I’ve felt that many times.  My hope for all of us is that “the miles we go before we sleep” will be filled with all the feelings that come from deep caring-delight, sadness, joy, wisdom-and that in all the endings of our life, we will be able to see the new beginnings.” Fred Rogers

I know it is hard to believe that a grown woman would feel so connected to “Mr. Rogers’ Neighborhood.”  Actually I wasn’t all that big a fan of it as I was growing up.  But I found its calm and quiet atmosphere a welcome relief from the programs that my boy and I could have watched together when he was little.

Today I turn to Mr. Rogers again.  April Fool’s Day 2012 was a day of lemons for my family.  Today I make lemonade by looking at this quote.

My dear uncle died yesterday after almost two years of the debilitation that Alzheimer’s Disease can bring.   He was a wonderful, intelligent and a very funny man.  He was also an over 25 year survivor of a cancer that had metastasized to his pelvic bone and lymph nodes.

My dad, a urologist, found the cancer and enlisted an expert in the Chicago area for his care.  But I know it was my uncle’s indomitable life force which made him the longest survivor of the clinical trial that saved him.  I think he was a little angry at his sister, my mother, for dying of breast cancer, for giving up.

In the end, when he realized that he was losing his mental faculties, he created notebooks to guide my cousin and aunt through the process of losing him…he had all the paperwork they needed in one place…long term care insurance, bill payment, his wishes for end of life care…laid out in these notebooks.  He gave them a great gift and made lemonade from lemons.

He and my mother grew up with a lemon tree in their backyard in Puerto Rico.  When I saw that tree as a child, it was ancient, filled with fruit and the sweet song of the Reina Mora.  Its fruit made the best lemonade I have ever had or ever will have.

So today, I savor the memory of that lemonade as I remember a very special person.  And I wonder at the new beginnings  that this ending may bring…